Cmon, you never fucked a piece of fruit?

An auspicious way to launch a blog thats for sure. And by launch I mean blast off, a blog wih a bullet, like straight to the top of that top layer of blogging effluent. Its found near drains, and pipes, and places where too many substances intermingle. You know what I mean, too. Its that unclassified layer that always evokes a morbid curiosity. Its all foamy, but a strange loose foam, usually tan, and speckled with little black bits of crap. But there are chunks too, and thats when it gets weird. How does that shit stay suspended in such an airy, grotesque confection? That guy from Atlantico who works with PopRocks couldnt reproduce this stuff. And hes got like, a team of guys, and LOTS of poprocks. Theoretically they should be able to do almost anything right? And dont forget the sheen (im back to that layer again, you know the one), its got a rainbow quality to it, but the mutant air coolant green stands out. No pot of gold at the end of it though, so dont go digging . You just have to appreciate it for what it is. A chaotic suspension of natures outcasts that somehow meet in harmony. Yeah, this blog is gonna be that chunk. Faceted but amoeba like, unaffected by the torrent beneath it. Oh yeah, this is gonna be huge, and completely inconsequential. VDC is going to have those shitty adbanners on the right too. All pro. No expense will be spared to bring you (and by you i mean my 5 friends) all the ammenties youve come to expect from a modern day blahhhhg. There will be photos. Only the hottest flicks from the previous nights activities will be shared. The ones of me and my crew chillin at the club, at exclusive art openings, and backstage getting blowies from cokewhores who think we're with the band. But some of them will be lowlight and blurry, just to show you where we're coming from. What you dont realize yet is that my whole crew is in that layer too. Another chunk, and even some of the foam. Cause really, the foam is whats up. Chunks are cool, but the foam holds it all down. Its the binder, the plasma, that slurry of necessity that keeps it real. So lets see, adbanners, check. Pics from the nite before of me and my incredibly cutting edge people kickin it, check. Oh, and dating tips. Yeah we're gonna have great advice on how to make the move on your boss, or your girlfriends best friend, or that slag at the end of the bar. Yup, its all gonna be here. Shout outs too. MAD SHOUT OUTS, cause thats how we roll. Yeah....DC Devo Devotee Deep Dick Collective IN THA HIZZZZOWSE!! First shout out right there. As promised. (sidenote: if you are interested in joining the DC DDDDC, please check CraigsList evey nine minutes for screening opportunites in your hood) We will tap our sources on the Hill to assure you are privy to the latest updates on stem cell research and avian flu. You will be entertained and in the loop, at precisely the same time. Worried about that fire shootin out your dick? Call our helpline. You want to rent a car by the hour with a silly name? No problem. We got you covered. Looking for the cheapest, coldest glass of water in the city? We def got that. This isnt a blog, this is life. Curious as to the state of coral reefs in Peurto Rico? Right here bitch. Ever wonder what a protein bolus is? Our experts in the field can explain, step by step, with diagrams. And we got nitelife locked down too. These will all be events that you, the reader, have no hope of being invited to but will want to read about the next day, or whenever we sober up enough to write about it. Im talking about projection movie night on the patio featuring killers like End of the Century, The Story of the Ramones, or Home Alone2. Or how about Pool Pond Party Point 1. How can you, the reader, possibly live another day not knowing what went down in the kiddie pool on Euclid? We'll be crashing the VIP at IndeBleu and updating you on the lifestyles of DC's sweetest poseurs. Even the bartendresses at Asylum will be clocked. Its all foam and chunks im telling you. We're naming bands after long gone colors of spraypaint, like Hot Raspberry and Jungle Green. We chew new flavors of gum conspicously packaged like a drug and bursting with appliciousness and undefinable sparkly goodness. We drink tall glasses of scrapple for breakfast, strong body strong mind. We plan, but dont execute, elaborate DJ/Rap sets that celebrate klassic kuts from the 80s w/ sweet new jams by bands like Big Timers (shout outs to the Bonobos buooyyeeeeeee!). We shut the lights out at your weak houseparty. We ride around town with megaphones and we're not working for Larouche. We'll tell you why the Black cat is just not that cool. We're bringing the word "stuff" to prominence over the word "thing" AND redefining it as a bad word. We build bathrooms the size of your master bedroom to stay so fresh and clean. We got reps from Nice Kanistan to Titaly, and summer in Papa New Bangy. We're an emulsifier of conflict and pleasure, of desire and rejection, of kool aid and kangos, of success and complacency, of phat and beats.

If you dont know, you better ask somebody.

Or not. I only wrote this shit because a couple of friends (associates is probably more accurate) didnt believe I had a blog. So now im turning it over to them to contribute posts that live up to the agenda described rather erratically above.

With that I close this post. Get your recommended daily allowance.

And no I never fucked a piece of fruit.